Why am I addicted to Tinder?

It’s officially too cold here in Maine to leave the house and go on a real date. But I’ve got something better to do. I’m dating from the comfort of my weird Tiffany blue chaisse lounge. I call it my Tinder nook. I have really good luck with finding charming men on my iPhone while sipping matcha and listening to salsa music in my nook. Apparently, that’s my zone.

A few days ago I got two texts almost simultaneously. One was from a client who I recently helped build an online profile for. (I’m a marketing strategist in my past life, so I help people say the things they can’t about themselves that they really should!). She asked what was wrong with her, she already hated online dating and just didn’t get it. The other was from a friend and RLP loyalist who asked me “Why am I addicted to Tinder? I can’t stop swiping.”

Yes! It’s that enthusiasm that makes dating worthwhile and makes her the star of any room she walks into. That girls got some mad confidence yo. But it’s also the way Tinder is set up that takes away the emotionally heaviness with “finding the one” that is often promoted by dating sites, and also the constant self confidence boost that is designed into the app. It’s fucking genius.

In a nutshell – here are the reasons I love being in love with Tinder.

As I mentioned in my article this week for MaineToday, ” the Epic Fails of online dating”, we immediately are drawn to online dating as the first step when getting out of a painful relationship. While I think that jumping into Match.com or OkCupid can be potentially hurtful to people you are communicating with, the casual and slightly detached function of Tinder allows you to scope dudes and check out the scene without leading someone on. 

Tinder is a great window into the single world of whatever town you live in. If you’ve been out of the game for a few years, or you’re not ready to commit, you need a chance to test the waters. You can give yourself the space to meet someone with no expectations of a lifelong passionate relationship. If that’s the baby step you need after a big relationship change, use Tinder. now.  Find your first sorbet relationship.

This is the #1 reason I recommended the app to my client who after going on OkCupid was overwhelmed. After only a few weeks on OkCupid she had barely come across a profile she could get excited about. She was feeling super depressed since she had started equating her self-value to the value of men she was arbitrarily being matched to. And we all know how crazy that is! OkCupid had hurt her feelings by essentially saying “we looked at your photos and read your profile and think only the men 30+ years older than you, overweight and who use terrible grammar will find you attractive. That’s nuts – but we’ve all been there. She just needed a confidence boost.

On Tinder after you swipe to the right, confirming that you are indeed attracted to the shirtless man climbing that mountain, there is this rush of confidence when you realize – Holy Motherfucker – he likes me too.  {insert sexy dance} And if not, no big deal, he probably hasn’t seen my photo yet. No love lost.

You only get positive reinforcement from people you already think are hot or interesting.  The creepo factor is pretty low with this design. That’s amazing. Way to go Tinder development team. That shit is genius.

I see online dating self sabateures everywhere! I’ve sat with friends helping them trim down lists of matches. They will inevitably start on these nit-picking sprees. “I will never marry a cat lover, I couldn’t date a guy who likes Chinese food more than Vietnamese, He likes the bands I listened to in Jr High,  my energy healer told me to never date an Aries, etc… ”

When we are feeling vulnerable or nervous about our ability to meet someone online, we start to rip apart our potential matches and cling to the small (dare I say insignificant) details that keep us from having to admit that person might be cool. Then we would have to call them and actually put ourselves out there to the world.

Tinder is a perfect fix for this. There is no expansive profile that outlines every like/dislike that might be different from your own. You have no reason to say no. We are forced to lean more on our intuition and the awesome voices that guide our sexual attraction spidey-senses.  in my opinion sexual compatibility and chemistry are far more important than whether he likes the same movies that you do, anyways!!

There is one thing that I love more than sex or dancing in my underwear; my friends. And you know what’s really fucking hot, having the same friends that I do. While I feel like traditional online dating sites are completely detached from the real world (and even hide us from it), Tinder puts this info into the open.

Being able to see which Facebook friends we share, and interests we have in common is amazing. It offers an intuitive insight into what you’re really like, not just what you say you’re into online. If you’re friends with my old bandmates and film makers, I know you are artsy and creative and a good time. If you’re friends with my entrepreneur and ad agency friends, you will likely be motivated and badass.

And if we’re talking and planning on meeting up for drinks, I can ask my friend-in-common whether you’re cool or not.

Boom. Character reference. I love it.

I meet men at networking events. Sometimes I meet them as business collaborators, and sometimes I go on dates with them. I could write a whole book on how to successfully mix business and pleasure, hell – that’s not a bad idea! It probably doesn’t hurt that sex is my business.

But, I’ve been using Tinder the last few months to help me easily identify the people at large events that are single. Have you ever been at a show, gallery opening or networking event and talked to the coolest guy for 2 hours, only to have them strategically drop into conversation that you’d get along so well with their girlfriend. It’s part of life, but I don’t have time for that shit, so I use Tinder to ease the process.

Prepare by doing a bit-o-Tinder before walking in. Get a lay of the singles-land and you’ll know who to chat up as soon as you walk in. I do this for business. If I’m working on a specific project, I will look people up on LinkedIn who are attending the same workshops or events that I am, to read up on how we could work together. It’s just strategic networking, why wouldn’t you do that for your romantic partnerships too?

If you think it’s creepy – it’s not. Have you ever walking around Target looking for something and had an employee ask “Can I help you find something?” They are just being helpful and helping point you in the direction of a thing you will eventually buy, so TARGET can make money.

It’s a mutually beneficial relationship. That guy you meet will be so thrilled that you knew to drop a few “single” hints and get his number without the guise of a business coffee date. You’re being honest and asking for what you want. That’s how you get what you need.

Founder of Red Lipstick Project and Health/Relationship coach. I help people fall in love with life. I work with women who want to follow their passions, find what makes them uniquely healthy and turns them on.

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